Think back to that precious moment when your daughter was born and you brought her home from hospital. As a family you were at pains to establish routines – feeding, bath time and the all-important one, bedtime. It was these routines in the early years that provided some sense of normalcy and the predictability helped your daughter feel safe and secure.
Routines are important for children and teens of any age, bringing comfort to day-to-day life and developing good habits.
There is a wealth of evidence as to the importance of sleep, and routines can help not just by working with our biorhythms but also by creating a calmer household. For girls in the primary years, this means establishing a regular bedtime. For older girls, it also means establishing a framework for access to devices to reduce daily conflict.
Routines help foster independence and confidence. Rather than constantly being told what to do, routines can return responsibility to children so that they can show initiative and feel empowered.
From homework to music practice to studying, routines assist with time management and self-discipline. The beauty of a routine is that it enables us to set priorities and then avoid the tiring necessity of having to plan constantly, or exercise willpower to make the right decision each time. Established patterns of behaviour reduce fatigue and make us feel comfortable and in control, allowing us to experience the flow of the day.
Routines can, in themselves, improve wellbeing, providing an anchor of predictability and comfort when we feel like life is getting the better of us. In addition, more efficient use of time can introduce opportunities for relaxation and exercise, which in turn reduce stress and anxiety.
We often struggle to eradicate bad habits, but routines can be especially powerful when they are used, instead, to replace bad habits with good ones. They can also become a simple pleasure. Walking the dog together or sharing a book before lights out can help to create significant family bonds.
From this, it is obvious to see why life at Queenwood includes so many routines - timetables, lunchtimes, assemblies, assessment schedules and activities. One of our new girls last year commented with some surprise on how organised her day felt, but it is essential for creating an environment in which our girls can flourish.
So how can parents support this? Arriving punctually means that girls are present for important messages at the beginning of the day. They feel in control instead of constantly having to play catch up. Constructing workable schedules for the girls is also important. We strongly promote involvement in extra-curricular activities, but if we are not realistic the girls become overscheduled and stressed. Establishing good night-time routines for packing bags is also important to reduce stress on the girls, and prevents the situation where parents undermine their daughters’ independence by constantly jumping in to save the day and deliver forgotten items to Reception.
Some might view routines as rigid and stifling but in fact they can be liberating as they free us up to spend time on what is important to us, create a sense of control over our lives and release anxiety and stress. There is also the special pleasure of letting go of the routine every now and then, when the circumstances are right, and enjoying the moment – secure in the knowledge that we can return to the routine again soon.
Far from being limiting, a well-designed routine may be your daughter’s secret weapon.
Angela Toohey
Head of Junior School