2020 will be remembered for a number of reasons – bushfires, COVID, US Presidential elections… and it has also been a turning point for me personally. This year, I developed a new awareness about social media and woke up to my failings as a parent. This did not all happen because of The Social Dilemma but watching it was the final straw. This documentary, currently available on Netflix, does not necessarily get everything right but it does give the bigger picture, as well as hitting close to home. In it, Silicon Valley experts reveal the sophisticated psychological techniques coded into social media platforms, which aim to hook users, retain their attention and manipulate their behaviour.
Being of ‘a certain age’, social media was not a thing until my early twenties (hello MySpace!). But I did notice that my students were getting phones and apps at younger and younger ages, including my stepdaughter. They also seem to be getting more anxious, less inclined to take risks (especially socially), and encountering more incidents over social media. As Year Coordinator, I see that friendship issues are far more likely to arise online than in person (or ‘IRL’).
Observing these trends at home and at school, my uneasiness with social media increased and I realised that social media had not been bringing out the best in me either. I did implement a phones-off curfew each evening at home (not popular) but this was hardly enough to reduce the impact of social media on my stepdaughter. I wished I had acted earlier, and then I watched The Social Dilemma.
The rapidity of technological advancement and encroachment leaves us little time to stop and think about what we are signing up for, and I suddenly felt keenly how that I could have done better by my stepdaughter. I have had all the milestone talks with her over the years – drugs, drinking, and so on – but at the same time I allowed her to use apps from Year 7 that are designed to be addictive and manipulative. I wish I’d understood then what I clearly see now. And what about my year group? I’m responsible for them as their Year Coordinator and see them under the same pressures.
Given the choice, few teenagers would voluntarily opt out, or even delay their use of social media. But we’re the parents and it is up to us to make that call for our children. My own view is that personal smart devices should not be introduced before 14 years old, at the earliest. Once we are used to having “digital pacifiers” that we whip out whenever we feel bored or uncomfortable, it is much harder to go back. It is not too late, however, to teach them about balance, health, and self-control. It took me fifteen years to realise that social media was not benefiting me, and I wanted to share those life lessons with Year 9 in the hope that it might save them some of the leg work. From this sprang the idea of a social media detox. Assessment week seemed like the right time to work on something which would reduce snatch an opportunity for a break from distractions.
So we launched an interesting experiment for Years 7-9 last week, thinking this would be a one-off (although the girls’ feedback has made us all think again). The challenge was set: which year group and tutor group could spend the least time on their phones for one week? It was hard, but after surveying the girls the majority said they saw real benefit, even suggesting that it be extended to two weeks to allow habits to change. They said they had less anxiety about checking notifications, more time in their day, better sleep, more energy, and a new appreciation of how much time they spent on this medium. They also said they were more aware of how social media could make them feel disconnected and of the pressure to present themselves a certain way.
Yet social media is also enriching for them. It is place to share jokes, to learn, to be creative, to keep a sense of isolation at bay, to celebrate their best selves, and to find out about world affairs. So what should parents and teachers do? We need to have balanced conversations with our girls, not because they are misbehaving but because we care about their health and development. We need to remind them to seek purpose and meaningful recognition in their lives, not just attention; to discuss and set goals with them over their screen time; to have regular check-ins.
This is a great opportunity to share our own goals and struggles and modelling mindful and healthy behaviours will enhance this journey. We need to show our girls how to limit notifications and how they can choose to reduce data-harvesting by accessing alternatives services and choosing privacy settings. Finally, we need to teach explicitly that they can survive without social media. This includes developing creative hobbies, coping with boredom, using the phone to actually make phone calls (?!) when they need help with assignments from a friend, and finding other, more reliable ways to get the news. Our ultimate goal is that girls be empowered by learning so they master their tools, rather than being mastered by them.
Dr Fiona Radford
Year 9 Coordinator & History Teacher