Yesterday, I joined the Senior School pastoral care staff as they considered a range of issues including Cyber Awareness.
One major challenge is the tendency of even well-informed teenagers to make bad decisions, which are then amplified by social media. I remember an incident at a previous school where I saw the disconnect between knowledge and action on full display. A group of girls made a rather disgraceful (but not unkind) video and posted it on YouTube. When it was brought to my attention, I gathered the girls and took them to the classroom with the very largest projector screen, sat them down and played the video at full volume in all its glory.
After the first few seconds, they realised what we were about to watch and could hardly bear to look. One girl just put her face in her hands and started to cry. Clearly, it was their worst nightmare to have this exposed to their teacher. A few minutes later, the video finished and they sat there, rigid with humiliation. I said to them quietly: ‘You’re feeling this bad because one person – me – has seen it. So why on earth did you put this on YouTube?’ The girls were highly intelligent and knew perfectly well how YouTube worked, but nevertheless they couldn’t grasp the reality of exposing this material to millions of potential viewers.
There is no silver bullet for this problem, which has its origins more in adolescent biology than technology. There are some fairly basic suggestions here, but a key point is that teenage decision-making is impaired ‘if they feel pressured, stressed or are seeking attention from peers’. Social media is the place, par excellence, where teens seek attention from their peers – and this heightens risk.
Explicit teaching about risks is important, but the real challenge is to find a way to cut through the cognitive barriers to make the advice real for teenagers in their own lives. The voices of peers are often heard more clearly, so our team spent some time working on how to increase these opportunities at school.
Of course, social media is not all bad. At times it can be a force for good, but one of the biggest problems is its addictive quality. (Technology companies work hard to make their products addictive, which also explains why their executives often ban them for their own children.) Sadly, there is a growing body of data establishing a strong correlation between use of social media and depression.
As if to highlight this point, the girls returned from camp last week enthusiastically describing those five days as supremely calm and relaxing, precisely because they had no access to their phones. Interestingly, more than one parent told us that they were pleasantly surprised that, after a week free from technology, their daughter voluntarily talked about her time away instead of burying herself in her phone.
We are hearing from many parents that they simply don’t know what to do about these issues. If you are looking for advice, our Parent Seminar on Thursday is a great place to start, as we have Julie Inman Grant and Kellie Britnell, from the eSafety Commission, presenting on ‘Managing Life Online: what parents need to know’. You can book (free) tickets here.
The eSafety Commission takes a very moderate approach and we agree that there is no need to ban devices altogether. As parents, however, we have tremendous influence over how technology and social media is used, and sometimes we can be overly cautious about interfering. I would urge all parents to take some simple steps:
• Consider your own use of devices carefully. Avoid ‘continuous partial attention and, as always, model good behaviours.
• Always bring your children into social situations and resist the temptation to use devices as a babysitter. The five-year-old who is given an iPad and earphones so that we can enjoy a meal will become the fifteen-year-old who expects to do the same at the dinner table.
• Wait at least until high school before permitting smartphones. She will not be on her own if she doesn’t have one in Year 7 or 8. Until then, a cheap and simple phone will meet any need for safety or urgent contact.
• Ensure that devices are used in the shared areas of the home. This is easier to enforce with a desktop, so delay the personal device as long as possible. (Our technology policy will assist you here, as she will not need it for school at least until Year 9.)
• Think long and hard before giving her a Fitbit or similar tracking devices. Whilst aimed at health and fitness, they can cultivate in children the same habits that characterise social media addiction and other disordered behaviours. Smart watches are the same. Girls are constantly distracted in class by incoming messages – sadly, often from their own parents.
• When you are ready to give your daughter her own device, set clear boundaries. For example:
- It is charged overnight outside her bedroom.
- Certain parts of the day are device-free.
- It cannot be used in social situations (at meals, in the car etc).
This is easy at the beginning and hard to introduce later.
• Organise regular holidays that are device-free or out of mobile range.
I imagine that some parents will dismiss this advice as hopelessly impractical in the current age, but it’s not, particularly if you are vigilant from the start. (Changing course at the age of 16 is a different matter.) We get the same response from colleagues in other schools who learn that we do not allow mobile phone use at school. ‘But how do you enforce that?’ they ask in utter amazement. We have only one response: ‘We just don’t allow it.
When I asked my colleagues what single message they most wanted to convey to parents, it was this: Take responsibility for managing these devices before the problems arise. In our experience, too many parents wait until problems such as serious addiction or mental health problems emerge. By then, behaviour patterns are entrenched and girls can react very badly to attempts to change them. Even then, however, there is still plenty that you can do and I encourage any parent who has concerns to contact their daughter’s teacher, tutor or Year Coordinator for specific suggestions.
Let me also emphasise that there is no need to panic. Talking to some Year 11 girls last week, every one of them could identify ways in which her use of technology had changed over time for the better. They argued that Years 9 and 10 are peak digital folly, and they spoke with some maturity about how they had learned to self-regulate and successfully integrate their digital and personal identities. In the end, I am confident that all girls will learn to manage their digital lives effectively.
Finally, I hope that our Junior School parents are especially encouraged by the opportunity before them. By making some considered decisions now, you have every chance of guiding your daughter through these challenges and ensuring that she emerges mature, healthy and well equipped for her digital future.
Ms Elizabeth Stone
Principal