It was announced on Tuesday that in a year’s time, I will leave Queenwood to take up the role of Head of Winchester College in the UK. I am, of course, honoured to be asked to lead a school with such a proud tradition but it was not an easy decision. Queenwood is an extraordinary school with its own rich and proud tradition and, above all, a remarkable community. That was obvious to me when I started in 2014 and my appreciation has only deepened over time. As I told the girls in Assembly, my focus will be on the girls until the very last minute and there is much exciting work to do in the coming year.
In the course of this week, there has been much talk about leadership and this prompted one of the senior girls to ask me what lessons I’ve learnt about it. There is endless material to draw on – much of it involving unforced errors on my part – but we ended up talking particularly about courage (which also happens to be one of our school values – Truth, Courage, Service).
The call to seize the moment is one form of courage. It is a truism that aiming high entails risk, but since women are statistically more likely to undervalue their skills and competence, they are often more risk-averse and it is worth being explicit about this with our daughters. The advice of a wise friend on making career choices has stuck with me. Too often, we ask ‘am I ready?’ or ‘should I do it?’ Reasonable questions, but for someone who may need a little encouragement, a better question is ‘why not?’
I found this helpful at the moment I was offered my first job in teaching, which entailed leaving behind my legal career (including eight years of study) and taking a large pay cut with a mortgage and two young children. When the options were evenly balanced, it was a helpful way of making the leap – and my life is very different now as a result.
A second form of courage is willingness to meet criticism. This is a demand made on all leaders but it falls more heavily on those who are finely attuned to others’ opinions and feelings. Such sensitivity is a valuable type of emotional intelligence but it does mean criticism will land harder. Women are more likely to be emotionally responsive and are also more likely to attract criticism so, again, some explicit discussion of how to respond may prepare our girls for leadership.
One of the things I have learnt is that clarity of mission is invaluable. Deep research may be necessary to master the issues but it pays off because hard decisions become much easier when they are clearly serving a higher purpose. Over time, I’ve also learnt that criticism can even act as a reassuring confirmation that you are making a difference. This is not to promote recklessness but – as one of my own mentors told me – ‘If they’re not attacking you, perhaps it’s because you’re showing no signs of life.’
And the third form of courage I shared with this student was the willingness to be human. This may sound rather facile – what other choice do we have? Perhaps it is really a willingness to be seen to be human.
I’m not a believer in the idea of ‘bringing your whole self to work’. Most of us are more effective, agreeable and happy when we leave certain moods and habits at home. But life is messy and there’s no point pretending otherwise. We have obligations to our children and our parents, who fall over or fall ill or can’t find their socks. Disasters befall our spouses and partners and neighbours and friends. Lightning strikes, viruses spread and yet someone still has to conjure up a last-minute World Book Day costume for the tearful 8-year-old.
There is no way to quarantine demands like these from our working lives without compromising the people we love. (That goes for men, too.) And a leader who occasionally allows the cracks to show may find that such authenticity builds trust. At least, that’s what I’ve told myself when I’ve arrived late because I had to ice a birthday cake or missed a work event for family reasons.
Finally, we talked about how a leader’s effectiveness is never simply down to them as an individual. Whether they know it or not, and whether they acknowledge it or not, their capacity is also a function of their relationships. We all need life partners who will share the load when life becomes messy. For women particularly, relationship choices can act as a significant brake on professional growth – an aspect of leadership we ignore at our peril – but, as I am fortunate to attest, with a supportive partner you will always have the wind at your back.